Last night, I had another encounter of pretend intimacy with the neighbor boy. Though we are not in a relationship, we are not in love, neither of us seem to understand the situation we ignore ourselves in. He does not have feelings for me, I slightly see light in him; we are not in love.
I am so numb and emotionally drained, I do not have the brain capacity to evaluate what is between us, or to even consider it being something to think about in the first place.
The next morning is like many others with him. I wake up and quietly walk to my bathroom at 7:13am, I stare at the markings he left on my neck, a reminder of his lips that tore my skin apart. They sometimes make me nostalgic, wishing that the person in bed would stay for breakfast because I miss being in love.
Last night, he kissed me and said to me; “I love that smile.” I imagined myself asking him; “Then why don’t you stay?” , but it is only pretend. The marks that tore my skin apart do not bother me because, at least he is not doing the same to my emotions.