Today, I attempted to end my life. Over the years of growing older, my mind has become a dying routine of playing pretend each day.
David drank himself to death on a Wednesday night, his funeral was in the spring and seemed to last a lifetime. It was expected to happen, but the poor bastard was still my only brother.
Lucy died many years ago, but I still wear my wedding ring
Sarah and I grew apart, she started to hate her old man. She hasn’t spoken to me since David’s funeral, and I’m beginning to miss my daughter.
The medicine isn’t working anymore, I’m starting to think it never has and that my happiness was only a pharmaceutical illusion, tricking the chemicals in my brain to believe everything is fine. My thoughts are growing louder, my world is getting smaller, and I am beginning to worry about myself.
It is 2:50am and I am still battling with the gun in my hand. I have been crying since 9pm, I have given up on sleep.
My Arizona home grew colder, and my heart was becoming more lonely by the day.
I leaned my head back against the chair, taking deep breaths with my eyes closed. I was waiting for myself to stop being afraid of doing the deed myself.
My eyes opened and I finally found the courage to follow through.
The clock read 3am.
My fingers gripped the pistol tighter, but then the phone began to ring. It was strange to get a phone call, mostly at the hour.
I stand back up to walk to my outdated, cordless phone to hear an angel speak on the other end.
“Daddy?” The woman spoke; “Daddy, are you there?”
I began to cry again, my hand covering my mouth to mask the weeping that was attempting to escape my lips. It was my daughter, Sarah.
“-I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry.”
“S-Sarah, my sweet g-girl.” I wimper.
“Are you okay? Stay on the phone, I’ll be right over.”
We both made it through the four hour drive. We didn’t speak of my condition, only of happy memories we have had together.
Today, I attempted to end my life; until I remembered that there is so much more.