“The Getway” Album

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You are always off key, and I can not help but love it. You are always making me smile, and I know it will stay that way. I look over at you driving us in the rain. This is the third time we have listened to this album, but its getting us through North Dakota.

♡ I am so in love with you.

Lionsgate Visualization

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I am more vibrant looking within my visualizations during meditation. I would like to believe that it is a reflection of my inner, true self.

A frequency put me into the state of mind, and it stuck there. The “wom, wom, wom, wom” noises still in my ears. 

I picture a white room, with nothing but light. Light that I have the ability to manipulate and transform to my benefit. 

The Great War ; Coming Off Of The Drugs 7/14/17

Irritability turned into an irrational amount of rage, I don’t typically have rage.

Screaming to myself, and knocking things over turned into weeping on the kitchen floor.

“It’s not me, It’s not me.” I say to myself, both hands placed on the sides of my scull, fingers clawing at my own hair as I sank into my confusion.

It’s the pharmaceuticals leaving me, and I’m scared that this will be what it’s like without them.

“It won’t be, it’s not me…look at me!” I thought to myself.

They are just side effects.

“Hang on, it’s almost over.”, but it is a war. It is a war that I am winning. War isn’t beautiful, but you come out changed.

I will be, I am, I can’t control this one. Let it handle itself, hang on.

Where I disappeared To

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“Being helped is not being given a pill a day-hell, four pills a day. Being helped is finding deep-rooted issues and learning how to cope with them. If pills were the answer, I would still have a stash of xanax bars in my side-table drawer. Do not send me away by making my brain foggy. I am here, and would like to be in the first time in a long time. Show me care by talking to me, or you will never know how to help. Without that, how am I supposed that anyone will help me at all? Fuck, dude, the crazy people around me help me more than the people with a college degree who claim to know best. It is hard to believe that it is day two, and it is even harder to believe that it is only temporary.

I keep looking out of the window to view the courtyard. I have never had a stronger urge to smell the flowers.

Stop asking me how I feel. I want to be in this life, but this is not how I want this life to be. 

It is funny, being in a place of care that makes you realize that not everyone who says that they care, care. The fucking irony. The person who played a major role in causing this probably gave more of a shit about me.”